Among all of the chaos of the holiday season, one thing our culture depends on to save us is cheesy TV specials. One of the hallmark cartoons to watch is a “Charlie Brown Christmas”. However, 1965 was so long ago that Millennials cannot relate anymore. Our generation has changed drastically since then, and Charlie Brown needs to face a millennial makeover to keep up.
The special starts with Charlie Brown going on about how Christmas is too depressing. He does not have any friends to send him a Christmas card, though he sent out many. This is the equivalent to being left on “read” or someone opening your snapchat without responding in our hip generation. It is rude not to respond and quite embarrassing to be ignored.
Yet, Charlie Brown goes completely savage. He says, “Thanks for the Christmas card you sent me, Violet.” She responds, “I didn’t send you a Christmas card, Charlie Brown!” If you are going to call someone out, you need to have a good comeback ready, CB.
Continuing through the film, Charlie Brown bitches about the commercialization of Christmas ruining his family. His dog Snoopy decorates his doghouse for a neighborhood contest, which makes Charlie Brown sick. If CB was really PC, he would applaud Snoopy for his creativity, and even give him a participation award. While trying to help his sister Sally, she asks Santa to “Just send money. How about 10s and 20s.” She does not understand the value of money. She cannot even write yet. Charlie does not care and makes fun of her. Fast-forward to our upbringing, where we are taught to educate one another, not bring each other down for things we cannot comprehend. Insensitivity is not cool. As Linus and Charlie Brown go out to get a tree for the Christmas play, Charlie decides to get a weak little twig of a tree instead of a nice, conventional one. He has good intentions, but seriously, a tree that can barely hold an ornament should not be your first pick.
I am starting to feel like Charlie Brown would fit the stereotype of a hipster douche in our generation. He is likely to be seen thumbing through crate after crate of vintage vinyl records, scoffing at anyone who enjoys anything mainstream, including some holiday cheer.
By the end, the children steal decorations from Snoopy’s doghouse to spruce up the tree for Charlie Brown. They never even ask the dog, which is one of the first rules we learn as a toddler: do not steal. The children make the tree shine like the ones sold in the farm. But the tree was bought because “it needed a home,” not to make it conform. If we are all seen as “special snowflakes” then why did the children need to make it like all of the others? We are all unique, unless you are a sickly-looking tree, then you need to change according to the Peanuts.
This outdated mess makes sure to seal the deal on the misunderstood youth of today as the characters scream, “Merry Christmas, Charlie Brown!” After ripping on this whole cartoon special, I finally feel for the cynical Charlie Brown. Millennials know better than to say “Merry Christmas!” So this one is for you: Happy Holidays, Charlie Brown.